Amp It Up!

Hey , cool cats!  If you’re—geez—almost anywhere in the U.S. except the Pacific northwest, you know one thing is true: it’s HOT!!  Is the globe warming??  Or are we just having a heat wave?  I realized the other day that I hadn’t heard the term “heat wave” in a really long time…is that because our meteorologists are completely invested in global warming?  Or have I just not been watching TV?

Anyway, here in Augusta the high tomorrow is projected to be 99 degrees.  This calls for serious measures.  So here’s what we did: we went to Walmart. 

First of all, Walmart is air conditioned.  (But crossing that incredibly huge asphalt parking lot makes you want it even more.)  Secondly, Walmart has FLOATS.  And not just any floats, but floats that fold up into little packages and carry bags so that you can easily carry them to the beach.  Or where ever.  Because as you probably already know, Augusta doesn’t have a beach.  What is does have is a RIVER.

The Savannah River, in fact.  And the truth is, I’m not really in Augusta, GA…I’m in North Augusta, SOUTH CAROLINA.  Which is right on the other side of the Savannah River.  My house is across the street from the Savannah River.  I have a front hang-out room (I refuse to call it a “sitting room”) that we call The River Room, because it has a small view of the river. 

But what’s really cool is that my swanky development has a public dock that nobody uses.  So, we bought our floats and a little cooler, filled the cooler with beer, drove a block to the dock, and jumped in the river.  We tied our floats to the dock, stuck a couple of cold ones in our drink holders (we specifically chose the floats for their drink-holding design), and floated the afternoon away.  We had so much fun that we decided to do it again today.  This time we also brought snacks and books.  Perfect.  We believe we’ve solved our summer heat problem. 

What’s amazing us is that no one else is jumping in the river.  Lots of boats go by, jet skis, water skiers, tubers…but no actual swimmers.  My boyfriend paddled his float to the other side of the river and talked to some kids that were hanging out in the riverfront park.  A little girl said, “how do you do all that?” And he said, “It’s easy.” And she said, “Aren’t you afraid of alligators?” And he said, “Noooo.  If an alligator comes, I’ll eat him!”  She thought that was the bravest thing she’d ever heard.

But there are no alligators in the Savannah River.  Someone’s mom must have been closing down some possibilities for her children.  Lesson: always question everything your parents say.  More on this later.